Reflecting

This past week I found out a friend of ours from a previous ward we lived in was diagnosed with the same cancer I have, multiple myeloma. I went over to his home to visit with him, and as I left the house I began to reflect back to August of 2008, when I was first informed of my cancer.

As I recalled in my mind the different feelings and emotions I experienced, I was also reminded of the peace that filled our hearts and our home. Looking back now, it is so evident to see the Lord's hand in our journey. We were guided through a series of events to Dr. Tricot and his staff at the Huntsman Center. There was no question in our minds as to what treatment we were to do to battle this cancer.

We were overwhelmed with several problems, our insurance not wanting to pay for the treatment, being one of the biggest. We were told one of the medications I would need to be on would cost $5000.00 a month and our insurance would only pay half, leaving us a $2500.00 c0-pay for the medication each month. As we started to do the math, we figured we were looking at around $250,000 out of pocket to take care of our end of the treatment. I remember telling Jeff we would just have to do something else because I couldn't bear to put our family in that type of financial situation. Jeff just looked at me and said that all would be well, that the Lord would take care of us and if we spent the rest of our lives paying for the treatment that would be okay.

Another obstacle we faced at the time was that Jeff had just started a new business. We had very little cash flow and no steady income. Still, the peace we felt was incredible. At a time when it looked like our world was completely crumbling, we felt so peaceful. Our home was filled with angels from both sides of the veil. Our ward members went above and beyond to help our family and to lift the burden which was upon our back. The young men grew a garden and worked all summer long, then donated the proceeds from the garden to my cancer fund. Jeff's BYU 106th ward kept us constantly in their prayers. We had so many, many, beautiful acts of service performed for us, it was overwhelming.

Then the miracles began. I had to live in SLC for three weeks while I had the transplants. We were able to find a place to live, ten minutes away from the Huntsman, and the Landlords charged us nothing. Our hearts are filled with gratitude and will be forever filled with gratitude to those good people for that act of kindness. Although it took a few extra days, I was finally able to get the stems cells necessary for both transplants. In my mind, that was a miracle. The time I spent in the hospital, seeing the power of the Priesthood work for my good many times, miracles. The Lord led us to an attorney that battled with our insurance company who in turn agreed to pay for both transplants, miracle. My medication for what ever reason, (I still don't have an answer for it), only cost me $30.00 a month instead of $2500.00, miracle. Day in and day out, we experienced so many miracles. We saw and felt the Lord's hand in our lives over and over.

It has been so inspiring for me to look back and be able to recognize the blessings that have come to our family through this trial. Our faith has increased and we have learned to trust the Lord completely. We are better people because of this experience.

Windows of Heaven have opened

This pass week I feel like the windows of Heaven have opened and the blessings that have come into our lives are many. On Wednesday, March 25, we welcomed a new granddaughter, Hadlee, into our family. She is so beautiful. The miracle of a new baby is something that always causes me to stop and reflect upon the blessings of belonging to an eternal family. The instant I heard that first cry from Hadlee, I felt this love for her that I know will be eternal. It was amazing. Thursday, Nathan and his family arrived and we were able to bless their son Carter. My parents as well as several of my siblings and their children attended the blessing. Some of my cousins and nieces and nephews were there too. It was such a fun day. These are the things that make my heart happy. Family. I love my family.

Also, on Friday I met with Dr. Tricot, and asked how the cancer was doing and his response was that I am now in near complete remission. He said he expects me to be in complete remission in two to three months. What better news could I hope for! I will go to the Clinic on Tuesday and start my year long maintenance regimen which will include chemo at the clinic 4 times a month, oral chem every day and steroids two weeks a month. It will be interesting to see how my body reacts to this treatment. I'm guessing it will be hard because the steroids are hard for me to handle, but I suppose I can do anything for a year.

I am just so happy to see the miracle (and I truly believe it to be a miracle) of my body healing and I know it is because of the faith and prayers of all of you. I truly don't know how to express or make my feelings of gratitude known to you all. I told Jeff that this experience is similar to how I feel toward the Savior when I think of the atonement. He has done for me what I could never do for myself and there is no way for me to get even with him or pay him back for what he has done. Your prayers and acts of kindness in my behalf mean so much and are so appreciated. I am humbled.

Spring is upon us and I am looking forward to the next few months. I am excited to listen to conference this weekend and to have the opportunity to learn and to improve on things in my life that need to be addressed. Again, I am grateful for the experience I have had and the lessons I have learned along the way and hope that as things continue to progress I will have the faith and courage to face each day with complete faith in knowing that Heavenly Father is in control and knows what is best for our eternal family.

Update

I just want to update everyone on my recovery process. I am improving daily. I had an appointment last week to get some lab work done and an IV drip to strengthen my bones. The lab results were good. I don't see the Dr. again until the end of the month, at which time they will do a bone marrow biopsy. From the biopsy, I should know better how the cancer has responded to the treatments. I feel very encouraged and optimistic. The challenge for me now is to get my strength and energy level back. I need to be out walking every day and lifting a few weights here at home. The snow makes getting outside a bit of a challenge, but I'm sure it won't last.

I have started to go to the grocery store and a few other places without wearing my mask, which actually gives me some anxiety. I think when I wear the mask I feel some sense of security.

My hair has fallen out again. It had started to grow back, but about three weeks after the last dose of chemo, I lost it all again. Oh well, I suppose it will grow back again. I have enjoyed not having to shave my legs! Also, I can get ready to go someplace in about ten minutes tops. I can see why Jeff doesn't mind being bald. The one drawback is my head gets really cold, especially at night. I have to wear a hat to bed to keep my head warm.

Jeff and I are excited to get a new granddaughter here in the next few weeks. The due date is March 22, so anytime now. We will also get to see our grandsons the end of the month. Nathan is coming to Utah with his family for a wedding, so we have some fun things to look forward to.

We continue to see miracles in our lives daily. We have been so blessed by all of our ward members, by the BYU 106th ward members, and by our family members, and so many other good friends and acquaintances. The gratitude we feel cannot be easily expressed, but please know that not a day goes by that we don't express it to our Heavenly Father and we pray for all of you that have blessed our lives so abundantly.

Wonder of Wonder Miracle of Miracle!!

Last night I had this horrible pain in my chest and ribs and back and pelvis and I just couldn't get any relief from the pain, so I had to call the after hours BMT clinic and they advised me what to do to control some of the pain. When I asked them what would be causing me so much pain, they said sometimes the nulasta shot which they give you to help boost the immune system will cause that pain. I went to the clinic this morning to do my labs and I told the girls if the pain I had last night was any indication of the "boost" my immuine system got I would probably be in the 10,000 mark on my white cells! The day before my white blood cell count was 0.63, which showed signs of improving, but I wasn't engraft. Well today when the labs came back, my white cell count was 8.31. Crazy! I am now engrafted, and will see the Dr. tomorrow and hopefully get the ok to return back home. My throat is feeling much better and I am so happy I didn't have to stay in the hospital! In my mind this good news is nothing short of a miracle because of the many many prayers that have been given in behalf of our family. We love you all. As a family we continue to pray for all of you in your individual circumstances and trials.

A +

Today is day +5, it starts the beginning of the "critical" days. I just got back from the clinic and I received and A+ on my report card. My labs all looked great. The PA was very optimistic about how everything is going and so I am excited to be this far along in the process and have such a positive report. My dear sister Becca, has been such a good caregiver, I give full credit to her for my good fortune. The rest of the week will include a daily trip to the clinic and the hope is to start to see the stems engraft by Monday.

Day +3

The stems cells were infused on Friday and we moved into the apartment the same day. I was especially tired on Friday, maybe because they put a few more million stems cells in than the last time, but everything seems to be going good. My white count has dropped a lot faster than it did before, so I seem to be feeling a bit more effect of the chemo early on. Today I will go to the clinic to have some lab work done and then as a new precaution, on Wednesday I will go to the clinic and receive a shot of an antibiotic to keep me from getting an infection. Thursday, I will get a shot that will help build my immune system and Friday my stem cells should start to engraft. I will try and keep you all posted. Love ya Lots!

The battle begins again

Yesterday I got my first regimen of Chemotherapy. It started with a dose of Carmustine given through an IV and it took about 2 hours. The carmustine is a mean Chemo. I had a little reaction to it, but it's all good now. Next they gave me a dose of Bortezomib, and finally another two hour drip of Gemcitabine. The amazing thing to me is today I feel really pretty good. I know it takes a few days for the Chemo to take its full effect and I am now in isolation here at home, not going any where and staying as far away from germs as I possibly can. I also get tomorrow off and then I will move up to Salt Lake on Thursday and recieve another dose of the same Chemo except instead of Carmustine, I get the ever dreaded Melphalan. Hopefully that will be the end of it for a while. I love you all!

We begin again

Today, Monday February 9, 2009 I begin the chemo for the second stem cell transplant. I saw the Dr. last week. After looking at the results from my bone marrow biopsy, he said he felt real confident that with this second transplant they could put me into a full remission. That was good news for our family. I have been extremely anxious about starting this second transplant. I guess it is like having a baby. You get to the end of the pregnancy and realize what is coming in order to get the baby here and you start to question why you thought it would be nice to have another child! Because I have some idea of what is ahead I get a little nervous. But, by spring I should be feeling really good and be healthier than I have been for a while. I don't have to move up to Salt Lake until the end of the week. Friday, February 13 (I guess I should wear garlic around my neck) they will infuse the stem cells and then they want me to be close to the Huntsman Center for the next 3 weeks. Fortunately, we will be staying in the same place we stayed the first time, very close to the HCI. We continue to feel optimistic about our circumstances and appreciate the support we receive from all of our family, friends and ward members. We hope and pray that all of you are finding joy in the journey you are on at this time in your lives. My testimony of Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ has increased. I look back on this experience with no regrets, only gratitude for what I have been able to learn. I will however, be glad when this is all over and life can get back to normal, whatever normal is!

Gearing up for the next uphill climb

I went to see Dr. Tricot on Monday, yesterday, and he said it is time to get prepared for the second transplant. Seriously, I had secretly hoped that he would tell me I didn't need the second one, but what fun would that be? He wants to get going asap so I will head up to Salt Lake the end of January and begin a similar process as to what I have just completed.

I have had such a fun Christmas. All the kids were home except Colton and Megan. It was nice to have a three year old in the house again for Christmas. It just makes everything so much more exciting.

The YM and YW in our ward made a video of a few incidents in my life and brought it over for us to enjoy. Our ward really has some great acting talent. It was so much fun to watch and we all had a good laugh. The Bishop was especially impresive. Thanks to all who put so much time and effort into the making of the film!!

My cousin Chrisann sent me a copy of a talk "The Character of Christ" by Elder Bednar, that I read this past week and it has really inspired me. He quoted Elder Maxwell who said, "There would have been no Atonement except for the character of Christ." Elder Bednar then went on to talk about character and what the definition of character is. A couple of things he said that impressed and motivated me were, "Character is revealed in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering, in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Thus, character is demonstrated by looking and reaching outward when the natural and instinctive response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward."

Christ was a perfect example of such character. These thoughts have motivated me to try to improve my character and become more like Christ. It becomes so easy when you are in the middle of a crisis to only think of yourself. Life is so much better when you think of others and forget yourself.

Here is wishing everyone a Happy New Year. Thanks again and again for the many kind thoughts and acts of service that have been done for us in the past and over the Christmas Holiday. We love you all.

On Top of Rocky Ridge

Hurray!! I think I finally made it to the top of the hill and it was definately not a fun climb!! Yesterday I woke up and just felt different. I could tell that things were going to go in a positive direction and I have been almost 2 days now without a fever. If I get through the night, I believe the Doctor will let me go back to the apartment for a few days and then hopefully I will be in Alpine by Saturday or Sunday.

The past two weeks have been probably the hardest two weeks of my life, I really just want to think of it as a bad dream. I didn't prepare myself for what I experienced, but I don't know if you really could prepare for something like that. I decided I would focus on the positive of it all, and want to share just a few of those positives with you. 1. I met some really great, fun, caring people here on the BMT unit and Iwill always have a soft spot in my heart for their kindness and superior care. 2. I came to appreciate so much more the level of suffering that the Savior did in the garden of Gethsemene. At times when I thought I couldn't bare the burden, I thought of him and knew that he understood my pain and I felt his love and understanding. 3. I continued to be uplifted by the prayers I knew were being said in my behalf. 4. I experienced first hand again as I have so many times already, the tremendous power of the Priesthood. I am so thankful for a good husband that holds the priesthood and is able to call upon that great power at any moment to bless my life. 5. I have loved watching my children pull together to take care of one another and the needs at home. I know they are closer to one another now than they have been at any time in their life.

I could continue on and on and I have come to understand that with any trial there is always a positive if we look to find it. Now, with that being said, I am soooooo glad to be where I am and have the past two weeks behind me.

I look forward to returning home, being with my family, seeing my new grandbaby and getting a good laugh from my other grandson. I think there is nothing better than grandbabies. A few weeks ago Lucas ( my oldest grandson) wanted me to take him to Cabela's. I was loading him in the car and he said Grandma Owens, lets go to Chuckie Cheese it's more fun. I said "Lucas, I can't take you to Chuckie Cheese, I don't even know how to get there." He said, "Grandma Owens, you just follow the road!" Needless to say we followed the road and sure enough we found Chuckie Cheese!

Have a great Holiday. I love you all. Many Thanks!!

Miracles

Carolyn wants to record the miracles that are happening to her as she goes

through this treatment. There have been many, but here are a couple of

significant miracles that have happened in the last two weeks. It's a

miracle that she is still with us after her body went into septic shock on

Thanksgiving day. It's also a miracle that she is recovering so quickly

after all she has been through (that's the word her Doctor used!). Although

she is still weak and tired, we're extremely grateful she is doing so well.

Today they are trying to get her blood pressure stabilized and her fever to

quit spiking. If she does good today, she may get released from the hospital

tomorrow. If her fever continues to spike, they may remove her port to see

if that is causing some infection. The tests show that the bacterial

infection in her blood is gone. After she is released from the hospital, she

will need to stay in Salt Lake for a few more days until she gets cleared by

her Doctor to go home to Alpine.

As a family we are grateful to all of you who have shown your love and

support to Carolyn and her family. We feel your prayers and know the Lord is

blessing Carolyn because of your faith. Thank you so much. Words can't

express the gratitude we feel for all you have done to help Carolyn get

through this challenge. Carolyn is a tough old bird and we know she will get

through this treatment and will be able to bless the lives of others for

many years to come.

Posted by Becca Dodds

Update

I spoke with Jeff on Monday evening--and his response to my question about how Carolyn is doing was; "MUCH better"! Way to go Carolyn!!!

--posted by Sydney

Thanksgiving weekend in the hospital

After a good week of treatment, Carolyn was admitted to the hospital Thursday when she began to lose more liquids than she could take in - mostly due to diarrhea, which is a common side-effect of the chemotherapy. Jeff watched her (and a little football) while the rest of the family was in Panguitch for the holiday. Friday, she was diagnosed with a blood infection, and today (Saturday), she is complaining of being out of breath.

She and Jeff have, as you know, been very appreciative of our prayers and exercises of faith in their behalf. They have felt a strong sense of support, and they never fail to be thankful for all that is done for them. Please continue to keep them in your minds and hearts and prayers this weekend.

Posted by Sydney Haglund

Had a Baby, It's a Boy!!

Mother doing great! Grandmother doing GREAT!

Almost there

Friday I got the stem cell transplant. Everything went great. Saturday was just an okay day, but today, Sunday I am feeling much better. Dr. Tricot said that day +5, 6, and 7 which will be Wed, Thurs, and Friday, will be my worst days, so I am preparing for the upcoming week, but honestly I am doing so great. I feel so blessed.

Shea has been with me today. Jeff just got here to spend the night and tomorrow. Jeff and I are excited to welcome our new grandson into the world tomorrow. Carter Mark(?) Owens will have his turn on earth starting tomorrow, November 24. We are so excited, I have butterflies just typing about it. I love my grandbabies!

I hope everyone enjoys the Thanksgiving holiday. I love Thanksgiving, getting together with family and eating good food. Playing games, shooting skeet, Turkey Tournament, all good times.
Have a fun week together family. I love you.

Here's a birthday shout out to Rachael Hubert and Makelle Brown. Hope you had a great B-day!

I have a picture of all you darling beehives sitting on my nightstand. I see your smiles when I climb into bed at night and your smiles when I get up in the morning. Your all beautiful. Thank you.

I came across this quote today and I loved it.

"When we really believe in Jesus Christ-meaning that He will overrule for our good and that He knows who we are--that kind of faith naturally creates a feeling of hope and optimism."

I am filled with hope and optimism. I know Christ knows me and is aware of me. I am healing and gaining strength each day. Life is so good.

Climbing Rocky Ridge

This week I started my heavy duty Chemo. I had my first dose on Monday, and will have another dose on Thursday. I'm guessing about now those myeloma cells are wishing they had never seen the inside of my marrow. So far I am tolerating the Chemo, but apparently it takes one or two days for the side effects to kick in. Some people don't get super sick and with all the support I have, I know I will be fine. Friday they will put the stem cells back in my body. I guess it is rather anti-climatic putting the cells back. It is similar to getting a blood transfusion. Next week I get more Chemo on Monday and Thursday and then I wait for my immune system to recover. As soon as that happens, probably 2 weeks, I get to come home for 2 months.

I have my sister, Becca, staying with me. Everyone needs a Becca in their lives. She cooks, cleans, follows up on all my medical needs, and carries on a pretty good conversation. I have such a great family. Thanks to you all!

I am looking forward to a new grandson this month. Cherise, our daughter in law, would like to see him born on November 24. His Grandfather Owens however, would like to see him born on his birthday, December 3. The original due date was Dec. 6, and has been moved up to November 29. I guess he will come when he is ready.

My middle son, Shea, returned from SVU yesterday and I love having him back in the State. Jeff flew out to Virginia on Friday and watched Shea play his final football game on Saturday. They then loaded up the car and left early Sunday morning, driving 30 straight hours and meeting me at the Bone Marrow Clinic just as I finished my first treatment. What troopers!

I continue to see miracles happen each day. I know I am being blessed by all of your prayers. I also pray for all of you wonderful people that have been so generous and kind to our family. Thanks a bunch, and God bless.

Home at last!

I finally finished up the stem cell collection. 21 million in all!! It took a lot longer than I had hoped but the positive side of it is that I got them all.

I met with Dr. Tricot yesterday, got the port removed from my neck and some lab work done. I now have 2 weeks at home and it looks like we may be able to start phase two on the 17th of November.

It is so great to be home. I really missed Kristen and Jeff and it is nice to wake up in my own bed with new sheets and a new spread. Thank you to all who contributed.

Colton and Megan have been staying here and holding down the fort. I really appreciate them.

Life is good.

Closing in on the End

I think I can finally see an end to the stem cell harvest!! I am so excited. As of today I had just over 14 million cells collected and I hope to of had a good day today. If my luck continues tomorrow may be my last day but if not, for sure Sunday. I have an appointment with Dr. Tricot on Monday afternoon and then I will get to come home. I can hardly wait.

Happy Halloween to everyone. It seems like it will be good weather for all the little ones going trick or treating.

It has been fun to have Yvonne here with me this week. Thanks to her family for the sacrifice. Thanks to everyone. I love the comments and notes I receive from all of you. It helps me to keep up with things at home and it is very humbling to know that you all keep up with my situation. Have a great weekend.

8 million and counting

I got 3 million stem cells yesterday and just finished more today. I'm not sure how many today, but as long as it's over 1 million they will keep on pulling. I feel really good and continue to feel of your love and prayers. Thanks so much for all your comments and thoughts.

Carol and Paul. I wanted to give you a call, but couldn't figure out the whole time zone thing. It's great to hear about your mission. We pray for you also and know you will have success in your missionary efforts because you are such wonderful people. Thank you for your support in our trial. We love you and miss you.

I am looking forward to being home next week. Hope to see all of you and do a little catching up.

Take Care

Two shots a day!

I am laughing at myself as I just read my past few posts. Did I mention that I am getting two shots a day!! Seriously, I HATE SHOTS! I think that might be obvious because of how many times I mentioned it in my posts. Sorry.